Let's face it...being a mom is tough.
Being a mother isn't all about sparkles and glitter or story time and ABC's. Being a mother is a hard but yet rewarding job all at once. If you noticed I haven't posted on here in three days; that's a long time for me to go without dropping in to say something. Truthfully though, I didn't know what to say other than "help me."
The last week or so as been quite a rough time for me. My sweet Little Bug is teething to the max with every tooth known to mankind popping out at once (molars included) and is smack dab in the middle of a leap (I go by The Wonder Weeks). Our nap times have been off and our nights have been pretty rough (like she wakes up every two hours). Our attempt at slowly weaning has taken about two steps back and temper tantrums is on full blast in this home.
Motherhood is the most rewarding and amazing job ever, no doubt. In fact, it's sort of a magical thing because no matter how sleep deprived you are and no matter how "over it" you may be, there's still these magical moments that make your heart swoon; moments that take place right in the midst of the chaos.
But no one tells you all that motherhood entails other than a few expressions like "say goodbye to sleep" and "your life is about to change." Well yea those are obvious points to make, but no one tells you the real shit.
No one tells you that you'll literally have moments of wanting to hide under the covers for just five minutes because you literally don't know what to do to make your child stop crying. Or heck, maybe you just need five minutes of peace. No one tells you the fact that you will lose your patience. After saying "no" 1,001 times in a span of five minutes, no one tells you that you will say "no" so loud that you then want to cry and hide under a rock because you suddenly feel like the worst mom ever. No one tells you that you literally won't know what to do to make your toddler happy and that you'll eventually want to cry along with them because your frustration and emotions are on overdrive.
And let's talk about the doubt you'll battle with. Doubt is the worst crap a mother can face. Doubt is when you're hiding out in the bathroom peeing for ten minutes (child is with their daddy) and you're literally on the verge of tears wondering if you are doing something wrong. Your child won't nap, they won't sleep well, the routine you had is suddenly gone and their "toddler tantrums" are on overdrive. So you sit there, wondering if you're even doing it right and/or if you're going to pass out from exhaustion at any given moment.
You wonder if you let them watch too much TV. You wonder if the meals you're fixing them are the best you can do. You wonder if you're handling the tantrums the right way and you wonder if and when you'll ever sleep again. I hate the doubt; it freaking sucks. I hate when motherhood gets you to such a vulnerable place that you doubt if you've even done things the "right way." Your friend's baby sleeps all night and your other friend's baby doesn't ever seem to be going bat shit crazy (or so your friend says they don't). But truthfully I don't believe it...I believe every kid is going to go bat shit crazy at least once and every mother will literally be at wits end at least once. That is motherhood.
But as I stated before, motherhood is magical. Yes, it has been rough and exhausting. Yes, I have turned to Mickey Mouse more than usual to keep me sane the past few days and yes, I have sat there on the verge of tears wondering if I went wrong somewhere. However, I have had a ton of kisses and cuddles and a ton of "muah" from a toddler who now knows how to blow kisses. I may be tired, but I still look forward to seeing that face every morning and hearing, "mama." My mind may be exhausted but my heart is full.
So when motherhood throws you lemons you make diffused water (or so that is what we do with lemons) and when it throws you tantrums, you just roll with the punches. No matter how tired you are and no matter how "over it" you may be, all you can do is hold your little one close and give them all the love in the world to help them get through the rough stages of growing up. You can pray, you can sing and you can give them pep talks. You do what you have to for them and their comfort and well being. That is motherhood.
It's full of lemons, it's full of tantrums and it's totally full of magical, amazing moments.
Please, please tell me someone can relate.
Thanks for reading (I'm off to nap), Sasha